Untitled

You came to school today
And you said hello
But nothing else
You weren’t interested in me

But then again why would you be
You aren’t him
You’re not Kyo
So that’s why it doesn’t matter

It hurt just to see
Those brown eyes look at me
So deep almost unpenetrable
So many things played through

Hurt surprise joy to name a few
He once said I had kind eyes
And yours, those eyes that were his
The same as they’ve always been

I already don’t like you
You don’t want to let me in
To be close to me like I was with him
I want my Kyo back

But you can’t give that to me
Can you?
No don’t answer
Because you can’t undo what they did.

I know you aren’t ever going to see this
Kyo…
I want you back
I regret not saying good bye

Look at me
I’m all teary-eyed
Kyo-kun, my dear Kyo-kun
I miss you

You know that
Don’t you?

Story of My Life

Read the title
Open my book
Now you’ll see the details of me

You’re reading my life as it happens.
For every page you turn is a moment or two in my life
Every detail I’ve seen
You’ll read for the first time

Some of the pages are old and faded
You can’t read the ink on those sheets
For those are memories…
Better left only for me

And the ones that are new and bright
They have happened most recently.
You get to this moment
Where I’m writing

Yet another poem
And you close the book on me
You don’t want to know
But I’ll just sit here waiting

For your curiosity to get the best of you
It won’t be that long…
For you can’t stay away
You always wonder what’s going on with me

Interpretation

If I could love what could never be
Then what happened wouldn’t have
I’d still have the feeling of completeness
And a reason to smile

But for this moment I look away
Into the shadows of yesterday
I see your face
And wonder how I could have been so lost

Wishes aren’t meant to be granted
But to give a person hope
Just like having everything
Makes everything meaningless

Which is why I can’t have you
And you can’t have me
And she gets to be happy as I suffer
Eternally…

I seem to have found my muse
To put pencil to paper
And draw empty circles
And meaningless lines

There’s pictures covering my walls
Of things that have been
And of what could have been
Interpretation is open for discussion

At this moment all that matters is remembering to stay alive
Another night in an endless cycle called life
My fingers find their way to the keyboard
And the words seem to flow

Like the tears shed only hours ago
The music with depressing chords
Spins around me
Weaving a spell

Everything is an empty color
Of white of black
Nothing bright or worth seeing
Just existing all the same

My emotions play through my mind
And I find introspection to be best
Everything about me isn’t worth anything
And I find myself wishing

There’s a knife only a few feet away from me
The cold metal blade glinting in the florescent lights
I find myself wondering what it would be like to cover it with blodd
If dying will finally bring me peace

Too many years has there been something not worth having
I find every path I take an endless wandering
Pointless in following
When supposedly we each have a destiny

So many stanzas
Of word I could never say
Of things that can never be
If I could go back in time, I would

I wouldn’t care about doing the non selfish thing,
Sometimes being selfish is all we need
And right now the selfishness is yelling at me
For not listening to it at the time

Too late now
Can’t go back and change what was
Must keep moving and forget the blade
Nothings worth a suicide

Confession

You told her you loved me,
And I watched as she changed her tune
You let me read what you said to her
And saw the tears take bloom.

Things were so much simpler
Once upon a time
And now it was the first and last
I’d ever see those words shine

You told me you didn’t care
That I shouldn’t worry
Or cry my sad little tears

Hon I’m so sorry
That I did this to you
That I hurt her and you
There’s something inside

Trying to claw its way out
Reminding me that there’s something
That I’ve left unsaid
For so many years

There are so many spaces
That I wish you could fill
So many gaps and pieces
That you could mend

And most of all I wish I could say
That I feel the same way.

Perfect Moments

To find that one perfect moment
to slip beyond it all
A hand reaches out and prays to god
That nothing will go wrong

See the crimson colored sky
As the rain falls like ash
In these stolen moments
You cry that it won’t crash

You know of that dream still coming
And the morning you’ll see it dawn
For some reason you can’t stop screaming
Even when in the calm

Somehow you don’t see
The darkness surrounding them
You don’t quite understand
That slowly they’re draining you.

Ranting every moment
And crying when you’re not
For someone so dependent
You can’t see what you’ve got

So wake me when you finally see
That all you’re dreams ‘ve come true
And sit there looking dumbfounded
As I tell you that I knew

Unspoken Truth

Sometimes people don’t understand
They don’t see the dreams
The colors in the sand
The stars and the moon in the sky

And on this night
I yell out loud and high
That I all I want…
Is for you to lie

not in words nor in actions
but with me in your arms
as my tears fall from the darkened sky
promises made are promises kept

I gave everything to you
And now you’re gone.
All I want is you to come back
For you to live and to breathe and to laugh

Distance made and distance crossed
We’ve been through one event too much
Friends we said siblings we are
Now and forever…
These words can’t disbar

In dreams we have time
In day we’re to far
In the colors we draw
Leave messages in the sand
The stars are lampposts
And the moon our guiding light

Even so far apart
Family we are…

New here.

I’m kind of new here. Okay I’m really new around here. This is mostly for my unspoken words. All the little things that I write but never say. That are never seen by the light of day. Oops. Too soon to start rhyming. ^^ I’ll save that for the poetry yet to come. And trust me there’s plenty of it. Most of which is all written in a notebook and others that are on my computer.  Another post coming soon I promise.